I find it quite disturbing when people tend to underrate women, who we are and what we can do. We may be referred to as ‘the weaker vessel’ according to Paul in the book of Ephesians 5:22 which actually means we should be treated with much tenderness, understanding, patience, and respect. But this certainly does not mean that we are less valuable, or we shouldn’t have equal access to what men have. This just means that men have a great deal of responsibility than women and it is quite understandable.

Just the other day I boarded a cab, then there was this edgy looking guy inside and like I would normally do (not all the time though) I greeted him and he replied. Just after 10 minutes, the next thing the guy could say was ‘can I get your number?’ and when I didn’t respond, he kept saying ‘all these ladies that feel too big’ and in my mind I was like seriously??? You don’t know me from planet A-Z and all you want is my number? I think most guys are guilty of doing this, so let me just put out this question to you men ‘to do what with our numbers?’ ‘to interrupt our greatness when you simply have nothing to add or contribute to our lives…huh?’

Yeah! Being a woman definitely has it’s own pros and cons. And you may think life is easy for us because we have the tools to enhance our appearance, look taller, and trick other people into thinking we are good looking but you can’t deny the fact that we have a very unique thing inside that makes us special. Listen, being a woman takes so much hard work. Each one of us has this task of growing a tiny human inside our bellies and then pushing it out, nursing the child, managing the home, cleaning up messes, working a full time job, and still take care of those scars that sometimes takes forever to heal. Those are just tips of the girly iceberg but below, I have listed the most popular harsh realities of being called woman and I believe fellow women can relate. And men, please take notes.

1. The Cat call thing

It’s so terrible having to deal with this cat calling thing or better still known as street harassment as a woman. Let me just say this now, it’s never a compliment when you whistle, comment, or throw pretty insults to a lady just walking past you all in the name of you trying to admire her or look down at her. It’s so rude to do that and the most annoying part is, they always seem to catch one off guard which makes it irritating. In such cases I advise you simply act like you didn’t hear what was being said, regardless of how hurt you feel at that moment.

2. Doing make-up

I’ve used make-up a few times in my life and I must confess I really don’t like applying it. I started applying make-up when I was in my 200 level during my undergraduate days, and it’s not even the real make-up but it’s been pretty hard for me. I know how important it is now but then I have really tried to step up my make-up game but I still find it difficult to draw my eye brows perfectly and equally. Obviously, I am not the only one and not all women make use of make-up, but for those who do it all the time, I give you credit, because it’s not easy.

3. If we are single, people expect us to feel bad about it

Back then when I tell people I am single, they act like I just told them I am HIV positive. Singleness is not a disease and like my best friend would always say singleness is not a shameful stigma, except you see it as such. Don’t listen to the rants the enemy and people whisper to you. Singleness is a period of unhindered growth and development that will reflect in your relationship, life, and destiny tomorrow. And I’m still trying to understand why society makes us feel this way: “If you are not in a relationship, everyone asks you why are you not in a relationship? If you are in a relationship, everyone asks you when is he going to pop the question. Once you’re engaged, all people can talk to you about is the wedding. When you’re married, everyone wants to know when you will be having babies.” It’s a merry go round of personal invasive and intrusive questions that women can’t seem to get off from. Don’t be sad or feel inadequate about whatsoever, and if you are single be confident that the right guy will come along. And when he does, he will have been worth the wait.

4. We are judged based on our appearances

Yea it’s true that the way you dress is the way you are addressed but these days it seems to me that most people now pour out their frustrations on how we look. They take advantage of the fact that a lady wears trousers, fixes her nails, uses human hair, appears too tush or looks finer than they are to judge every other aspect of her life. One of the most cruel thing someone has said to me before is, “You can’t join this department, you are too young and fair.” And I felt so bad not because I couldn’t join them but because I know I could really be of a great help, and I wasn’t even given a chance to prove it. Women are really faced with many kinds of problem, they judge us based on how we look, how our hair do is or by our skin color and it’s not right. So why should you care if I carry dread locks, have big butts or small butts? Or if I wear an African attire or T-shirt all the time? what matters is can I deliver? Can I do what is expected of me? and not just how I look.

5. The monthly cycle thing that keeps coming

You really won’t know how this feels if you are not a girl, having blood gush out of you every month and yet we carry on with our daily lives like we got nothing on us? At least give us some credit. And usually there are a lot of pressure and hormonal changes at that time! And it hurts for everyone of us but in different ways. Some get cramps, some get really emotional and moody, for some it’s aches and all sort of pain. It’s not something we enjoy but it’s part of our womanhood, but imagine dealing with this kind of thing every month of your life till you hit menopause. We are strong like that tho!

6. Childbirth itself

I haven’t experienced this but the thought of it alone is scary. I honestly don’t know how we do it but let’s just say it’s something God has blessed us with and given us the privilege to be part of and we are grateful to experience that. But Gosh…it does really hurt. Need I say more? Some even die from childbirth and for some, it alters their entire body. Please never you maltreat or mishandle any woman, be it whatsoever, it takes a lot of hard work to be who we are.

7. We tend to be so vulnerable

Some girls can do anything just to feel loved, valued, and respected. And I’m not here to blame them because that tend to be our nature, we are to be pampered, cared for, and treated with respect. We also have to constantly think about our safety, we can’t go out late at night because of the likelihood of getting abducted or raped. But sometimes this vulnerability blows up in our faces and leaves us broken hearted almost all the time, and some girls are still always willing to get back on the horse when the next guy comes around no matter how painful their previous experience was. I feel so bad for such ladies because if they knew their worth, they wouldn’t choose to settle for all of that. Men need to understand how powerful we are, we are precious stones, we are home builders, we bring forth seeds of future generations, therefore we are to be treated as queens. But yet and yet again we get hurt and we never stop hoping that next time will be better.

8. Attaining beauty standards

The general outlook for a beautiful woman especially in Africa is a figured eight lady, acne free face, big butt, flat stomach, long hair, slender arms, thin long legs, big boobs, and perfect skin. How the hell are we suppose to have it all put together perfectly and still look completely natural. Men don’t really understand all the work it takes to meet these standards, then you rain insult on those who don’t attain those standards, and are not ready to fake it to look it. It doesn’t make any sense, it’s not like you can even create a human being? If only you guys knew how really difficult it is to manage our businesses, manage the home, take care of the kids, work on ourselves, and still maintain our appearance all at the same time. Huh? We spend our precious time in saloons, curling and straightening our hair. We also spend money buying beauty products and nice dresses; skirts, shirts, blouses, blazers, leggings, tights, underwear’s, high heels, sandal heels, low heels, casual shoes, high boots, flip flops, sneakers, hair products, curling irons, Bobbi pins, hair ties, neck ties, waist belts, nail polish, hair spray, blow dryers, jewelries, weaves, hair extensions, the list goes on and on because it just never ends and it’s all just to look presentable. But you guys don’t seem to appreciate those little or extra efforts we put in, it’s not fair!

9. The process of getting ready

This happens to be the most dreadful trait some men don’t like in women. True! Because until some women have showered, straightened their hair, applied make-up and gotten all dressed up, they can’t leave the house. But thank God for the team natural trend which makes us now able to take on the world with so much confidence without caring so much about how we look or whether we applied make up or not. But you men usually complain about having to wait around for us to get ready, you should know that we are equally pained over the process.

The thing that bothers me most about getting ready all the time, is the time I may have wasted all my life just trying to look presentable because I’m thinking I should have solved someone’s problem with that time instead and get paid for it, Lol! But aside from societal pressures, the truth about this female obsession thing especially with our appearance is that some of us mainly do it for other females in order to join the pepper them gang as it is now popularly called. This sounds so vain to me and may be it isn’t but most women don’t just feel satisfied or beautiful enough in their natural state so they tend to do all possible means to look appealing. I’m not saying it’s not okay to want to look good, I do try to look good and even hot but what I’m saying is that all those things shouldn’t define you. It’s not about your hair, looks or figure, it’s about how beautiful your heart is on the inside, and possessing the right kind of attitude.

10. Sometimes we receive special treatment and get free stuffs because we are women

Yea this is probably one of the most likely part of being a woman. We get things for free most times and people tend to offer to do free things for us. We also have a lot of woman empowerment program these days, some are scholarships or fellowship programs just to help the girl child become all she can ever be. It’s fun sometimes how we walk into a restaurant or attend events and people offer to pay for our drinks, our food or what we want just to get in touch with us. And it can be pretty hard for us because most of the times, many of these people expect something back in return. Can’t you just do it for her with a good heart or without expecting her number in return…huh? Well I’m blessed to have met quite a number of guys who have offered to do something nice for me without even caring to find out who I am or exchange contacts.
An example is one I met last two months, I was coming back from a program and it was a bit late, there was no cab around, so I decided to walk down the road, it was so lonely but then I met this Hausa guy who said Hi, I didn’t respond because I was scared, then he later asked me where I was headed to and just so I won’t appear rude since I was alone, I answered. Then he walked straight ahead of me, pleaded with a cab man that didn’t want to stop at first to pick me, he even went further by paying for my transport fare and asking me to keep the change. Before I could thank him enough, he told the cab man to move and I never met the guy again, I can’t even remember what he looked like. Well, I believe that was God’s favor on my life but all I’m trying to say is, it’s pretty amazing to know what extent guys go for ladies.
Do you still feel being a woman isn’t that hard? Let’s talk about it but let’s not argue it. Share your thoughts below!